Jokes | चुटकुले

Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND

GODS are also I.T. Engineers

BRAHMA
System installer

VISNU
System supporter

SHIV
System Programmer

NAARAD
Data transfer

YAM
Deleter

MENKA
Virus!

Principal- I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off..

STUDENT said : ya… it’s my CALLER TUNE

Principal shock!
Student Rock!

Fees maafi ke liye Application:

To
The Principal
High school
Sir,
Baat ye hui k mere Dad ne mujhe fees k liye 2000 rupe Diye the, 500 ki dosto k sath film dekh li, 500 ki drink ho gayi,
500 ka girlfrind ka recharge karwana pad gaya fir usko 250 ki coffee pilai, aur bache 250 english wali mam pe shart har gaya…

Mein samjhta tha ki unka sirf maths ke sir ke saath chakkar hai par unka to aapse bhi chakar nikla,
ab aapke paas 2 hi raste haia…
Ya to meri fees maaf ya aapka pardafaash..
Asha karta hun meri fees maaf ho jayegi…

Aapka pyara
Vidyarthi..
Chappal Chor Das

appu ki master se hui ladai
Mastr ne ki pappu ki dhulai
Pappu ka grm hua khoon
Gaya kabristan aur kabr pe master ke photo tang k likh diya
COMING Soon

shq ke school me naya mahoul taiyar ho gaya,
Pappu ki GF se puri class ko pyar ho gaya,
Bas tabhi se pappu udas ho gaya,
Puri class fail or Pappu pas ho gaya!

Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

Wife: Main tumhari yaad mein 15 din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hun, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?

Husband: 15 din aur ruk jao...

anta: Kal Raat Nu Film Vich Ik Chudail Kade

Mere Agge Kade Mere Piche Ghummi Ja Rai Si,

Banta: Kehri Film Si…?

Santa: Mere Viah Di Movie.

Pyar b ajab shay he

Maa se payar hota hai to Ebadat
Baap se payar hota hai to Muqadas
Bhai se payar hota hai to Aqidat
Didi se payar hota hai ho to Farz
&
Wife se payar hota hai to
sab kehte hen k SALA BIWI ka GHULAM H hain

kya larki thi...
Shohar: Kal mere khuab main ek larki aai thi,
Wah! kya larki thi.

Bibi: Akeli he aai hogi?

Shohar: Tumko kese pata:

Bibi: Uska husband mere khuab main
tha.

Husband wife ki godi me leta hua tha,
Wife – kesa lag raha he ji?
Husband- jese visnu bhagwan shesnaag ki god me lete ho.

Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi.
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga.

Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega.
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon.

Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hu.
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain.

Patni: “Aapne pichle saal salgireh pe mujhe lohay ka bed diya tha, Iss baar aapka kya iraada hai?”
pati: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.”

patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho.
patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon!
pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon

pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge?
pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge.

Patni:-kyon jab main moti hojaaungi,tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi pyaar karoge?
Pati:-bilkul nahin, maine sirf such dukh main saath dene ka vaada kiya tha.

Pati:-main jeevan main aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon,apne aap bana hoon.
Patni:-lo, main aaj tak bekar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi.

Husband to Wife : Mein shaadi se pehle 20 auraton ke saath so chuka hoon.

Wife : Mujhe pata tha ki jab kundli mili hai to aadatein bhi zarur milti hogi!!!

Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho.
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho.

Patni – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi bura anubhav hai?
Pati – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi.

Wife:

India jao to saarhee bhejna,

Dubai jao to jewelry,

France jao to perfume!!


Husband ne jal ke kaha,

Or dozakh jaon to kia bhejon?


Wife:

APNI VIDEO

Pati patni mandir main!
Pati-tumne kya manga?
Patni-Ki aap aur main saat janam saath rahe.
Patni-Aur aapne.
Pati-Ye mera saatwa janam ho

Advocate:Talak Karvane K Rs10,000 Lagenge.
Husband:Pagal Ho Kya?Pandit Ne Rs 101 Me Shadi Karvai Thi.
Advocat:Dekh Liya Na Saste Ka Natija

Meri Baat Gaur Se Suno
.Zindgi me kabhi bhi ..
Dettol Se Mat Nahana
.
.
Dettol Kitaanuo Ko Maar Deta Hai.
Or Hum Apko Khona Nahi
Chahte.!.

Mayavati: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Mayavati ka Funny beta: Haan mami, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Rabri: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.

Funny Laloo: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

alu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki is bag ke andar kya hai, to sare eggs tumare, agar batao kitne eggs to 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hain to vo murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Lalu Ji, Koi hint do na?

Lalu Goes 2A Shop & Asks:
A Bandarva Ka Photu Kitne Ka He Re?
Shopkepper: Woh Phutwa Nahin Sahib
Wo To Seesa (Mirror) He!

Lalu : Ek Vidhwan Ne Kaha Ke Murakh Aadmi Ki Biwi Bahu Sunder Hoti Hai.
Rabdi : Ab Rehne Bhi Dijiye Aap Ke Paas To Hamaar Tarif Ke Alawa Kono Kaam Hi Nahi Hai.