Jokes | चुटकुले

Girlfriend Boyfriend Se..

Girlfriend : Main tumhare pyar me lut gahi, barbaad ho gayi,

Badnaam ho gayi ….

Boyfriend : To pagli, main tere pyar me konsa collector ban gaya…

Samose bech raha hu ….

Girlfriend Boyfriend se bolti hai..

Girlfriend : Jaanu, batao jab main hasti hu to kesi lagti hu.?

Boyfriend : Aisa lagta hain jaise, Nokia 1100 hang ho gaya ho.

Girlfriend De Thapadh De Thapadh

Girlfriend: Janu, Mera dil mobile hai aur tum uska sim.

Boyfriend: Baby, mai ek bat poochhu.

Girlfriend: Haa poochho

Boyfriend: Baby, tumhara mobile dual- sim wala to nahi hai.

Santa : Dawa aur Daaru mein kya fark hota hain?

Banta : Dawa girlfriend ki tarha hoti hain jo expiry date ke saath aati hain

Aur daaru biwi ki tarha hoti hain ..,
Jitni Purani hogi utna hi sir chaadh ke bolti hain…

Ek baar santa banta se : Kya bol rahe ho yaar..?

Har ghante mein injection dete hain tumhe,,,

Koi badi bimari hain kya..?

Banta : Nahi yaar, Mujhe malum nahi tha ki

woh khubsurat nurse doctor ki girlfriend hain,

Maine usey purpose kar diya,

Uski saza mil rahi hain

Pappu apne doato se :

Akshay kumar ki nayi movie aa rahi hai …
Naam”Toilet”

Ab dosto ko kya kahe
“Chalo toilet dekhne chale??”
Aur FB par status kya likha jaye….
At Toilet With Girlfriend and Other 4 Friends ??

Girlfriend : Bahot attitude hai tum me toh..
Boyfriend : Attitude to bachpan se Hai mere me..
Jab me peda huwa tha
toh 1 saal maine kisi se baat nahi ki thi..

Girlfriend Boyfriend se bolti hai..

Girlfriend : Saadi Ki bad mai Tumhar sare dukh bat lungi..

Boyfriend : Par mujhe to koi koi dukh hi nahin hai…

Girlfriend : Mai saadi ke bad ki bat kar rahi hu.

Santa : Yar.. mai aur meri girlfriend

sadi kar rahe hai..

;;

Banta : Kab ?

;;

Santa : Mai 14 june aur

meri girlfriend 20 june ,

Valentine ke din pappu naha dhoke tayar ho gya…

Maa : Beta, Kaha ja raha hai ?

Pappu : Aaj Valentine Day hai na !!!

Maa : Matlb teri bhi girlfriend hai …

Pappu : Nahi maa, mai to bajarang dal se hu..

Lathi charge karne ja raha hu..

Pappu police station gya

Inspector : Kya problem hai tumhari ?

Pappu : Sir, Meri girlfriend mil nahi rahi ?

Inspector : Kab se ?

Pappu : Bachpan se sir !!!

Girl to boyfriend : Suno, kya tum mere liye sher ko maarkar laa sakte ho??

Boyfriend : No baby, kuch aur batao,
Main tumhare liye aur Kuch bhi laa sakta hu….

Girlfriend : kya main tumhara whatsapp check kar sakti hu???

Boyfriend : kaha hai wo sher jis ke baare mein tum baat kar rahi thi ….???

Kanjoos aadmi ka beta apni gf ke sath ghumne gaya,

laut kar aaya to kanjoos ne pucha : Kitne rupee udaa aaya???

Beta : 200/-

Yeh sunkar kanjoos naraz ho kar gaaliyan dene laga

Beta : Aur kya karta papa…uss ke pass itne hi the

Girlfriend ki shadi me uska X boyfriend bhi aaya tha.

Ladki ka baap(X boyfriend se): Beta tum koun ho.

X boyfriend: Ji mai samifinal me bahar ho gaya tha,

Final dekhne aaya hu.

Ek ladke ne nai jaguar car kharidi..

Aur apnii girlfriend ko dikhane ke liye le gya !!!

Girlfriend : Aree wah nai car… wo bhi puma ki..

.

.

Ladka abhi bhi ICU me hai.. Aur sadme se bahar nahi aayam

Santa apni biwi ke sath shoping mall gya..

Usse ek ladki ne hello bola..

Patni : Kaun thi ye aurat..

Santa : Bhagwan ke liye chup ho ja..

ab yehi sawal wo bhi puchegi…

Santa (Dost se) : Maine apni girlfriend se wada kiya tha ki..

mai uske liye koi bhi taklif sah sakta hu….

yaha tak ki mai narak ka rasata bhi tay kar sakta hu..

Dost : To tune wada pura kiya…

Santa : Han maine usse shadi kar li…

Pappu apni girlfriend ke sath coffee house coffee pine gaya..

Pappu : Jaldi pilo coffee warna thandhi ho jayegi..

Girlfriend : To kya huwa..

Pappu : Tumne rate nahi dekha kya..

Coffee 15 rupee aur Cold Coffee 50 rupee

Santa : Sarab pi raha tha aur jor jor se ro raha tha..

Banta : Ro kyu rah hai..

Santa : Jis ladki ko bhulne ke liye pi rahu hu…

uska nam bhi yad nahi aaraha..

Kamini lagta haio corrupt File thi memory me.

Santa apni girlfriend se puchata hai :

Tum Chinese jaisi kyu dikhti to..

Girlfriend : Mere papa Chinese the..

Santa : AB kaha hai tumhare papa ..

Girlfriend : Ab nahi rahe wo..

Santa : Ha Chinese mall chalta bhi kitne din..

Ladka : Tumhara nam kya hai,,

Ladki : Mina…..

Aur tumhana nam kya hai

Ladka : Kamina

Ladki : Hat pagal… kamina kaisa nam hai..

Ladka : 2 Ghante sath bhaith ja,,

khud bolegi..pura kamina hai…

Baap : Beta teri girlfriend hai..

Beta : Nahi …

Baap :Aaj Kal to sabki hoti hai..

thoda social bano..

Beta (Sarmate Huye) : Waise ek hai..

Baap (Thappadh lagatte huye) : Nalayak Isse ki wajah se fail huwa hai tu

Pappu apne dost se : Kyaa baat hai,

aajkal tumhari girlfriend hamesha chup rehti hai???

Dost : Actually, ek din jab hum dono photo click karwa rahe the,

to photographer ne meri gf ko keh diya ki jab aap chup rehti hai,

to ekdum karishma kapoor ki tarha lagti ho..

Ladki : Bhaiya koi Valentine card hai jisme likha ho

“tum hi mere pehle aur akhiri pyar ho”

Dukaanwala : Haan, hai

Ladki : Acha to jaldi se 10 de do

Santa banta se bolta hai :

Suna hai teri shadi tay ho gai hai

wo bhi ek bahut choti height wali ladki se

Banta : Han yar mushibat jitni choti hai utna thik

Teacher : Chipkali kise kehte hai ?

Pappu : Chipkali ek garib magarmach hai,

jise bachpan me bornvita wala dudh nahi mila,

jis kaaran woh kuposhan ka shikaar ho gai.s

Ek bacha bhaga bhaga police station pahucha

Bacha : Inspector saheb jaldi chaliye

ek chor mere papa ko 1 gante se mar raha hai

Police : Ek ghante se mar raha hai

tum kya khadhe khade tamasha dekh rahe the tab se

Bacha : Nahi Nahi , Isse pahle mere papa usse mar rahe the

Pappu USA mein tha aur waha ek imaarat me aag lag gayi,

Pappu (fire brigade walo se) : Tum logo ko ek ek karke niche feko mai catch karunga,



Pehle ek ladka aaya, phir ladki, phir aadmi ,phir aurat…

Pappu ne sabko pakad liya

Phir……

Ek negro (kala aadmi) aaya to pappu ne usko chhodh diya aur bola…

Abey saalo,

Jo jal gaye hai unhe to mat feko

Ek aurat ne traffic signal todh diya,

Traffic police wale ne usse rok liya…

Aurat : Mujhe jane do mai ek teacher hu…

Traffic police : Issi din ka intijar kafi salo se kar raha hu..

Chalo ab 100 bar likho… agge se ab signal nahi todhugi

Patni : Mai ghar chor ke ja rahi hu..

Pati : Thik hai ,, mai nirmal baba ke paas ja raha hu..

Patni : Kyu mujhe wapash pane ki duwa mangane ,

Pati : Nahi …unhe batana hai … kripa aane lagi haihh

Beta : Chalo papa circus dekane chalte hai …

Papa : Nahi beta … mai bahut busy hu..

Beta : Papa usme kairina kaif sher ki sawari karne wali hai

Papa : Bahut jiddi ho gya hai tu..

Har bat jid karke manwa leta hai..

Chalo bahut din ho gaye sher dekhe huwe…f

Pappu: Sister mujhe ek bottle khun dedo.

Sister: Blood group kya hai.

Pappu: Koi sa bhi chalega.

Sister: Kyu ?

Pappu: Girlfriend ko love latter likhna hai